Who am I?
by CleverforClever
Summary: An amnesiac finds himself in the middle of the war between Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D. As paranoia and suspicion take him over, the question remains whether or not this 'Ward' guy everyone says he is happens to be Hydra or S.H.I.E.L.D.- or both. Read and review, get a chapter.
1. Chapter 1

A Fresh Start

"A Fresh Start?" Laughed Special Agent Grant Ward comically, "You must be insane!"

The agent outside his cell smiled, "What do you have to lose?"

Two Hydra agents stuck under an abandoned bus stop. There was no way they were just walking away from this encounter.

"Why, Jerry?" Asked Ward.

"Because we're friends," Grant laughed, but his companion insisted, "You know why I joined Hydra? To belong to something, someone. And unfortunately, the job requires us to lose a lot of someones we care about. And you're my last. I'll clean out your brain, and send you on your way."

Grant laughed, "How is this a favor?"

"Let me ask you a question," replied Jerry, "Is there anything you can do to change yourself? I mean, really; what kind of person would you be if you were anyone? The fact is, the way you see life is the way you'll always see life; full of death and destruction," He gave his friend another smile, "But I can remove you from the game."

Grant sat and thought for a moment, "...and Skye?"

"We both know she'll never forgive you for this," Said Jerry, "Now... do we have a deal?"

Ward thought for a moment. It was either this, or sit in a S.H.I.E.L.D. prison for the rest of his life, "Okay... deal," They shook hands, "I have one question for you; how'd you find me?"

Jerry shook his head, "I just need you to sign on the dotted line..."

(...)

"Did he take it?"

Jerry nodded his head, "Oh yeah."

"Good," Phil Coulson stared into the room as Grant howled in pain, "How long until he starts homing in on Hydra?"

"The subconscious is a mysterious thing- you should know that better than anyone," Jerry took a stick of gum out of his pocket, "...you're sure he'll do it?"

"I did," Said Coulson, "Ward will last, maybe, a month before he starts to notice there's more to life than what he was told. After that, he'll seek out Hydra, and they'll be forced to drag him in. Ever see Total Recall?"

"Unfortunately yes," Jerry said bitterly, "I can't believe Arnold did a better job than-"

"Not the point," Said Coulson, "He'll," He pointed to Ward, "Look for answers. It's what we do?"

"We?"

The director looked on in sadness, "Victims."

"You got his consent..."

"...yes, but Hydra or S.H.I.E.L.D., you cannot argue what we're doing to him is right."

Jerry nodded, "...he's evil!"

"And we're not?"

Inside, Special Agent Grant Ward became Gary Wilds. For the time being anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hi, this is Gary Wilds with a great offer for you, am I speaking to the head of the house?"

A series of cuss words followed by the sound of a phone slamming down are heard over the line. The young man sighed and took off his head-set. This was, by far, the worst job he'd ever had. Why did he major in Communications in college? Looking back on it, he realized that it really meant nothing.

"Hey, Gary," Said his unusually friendly co-worker, "I have a question about call logs."

Gary Wilds was a completely regular guy; like sports, hated taxes. He thought most politicians were bad, but not the ones he voted for. The only child of two diseased parents, Wilds was a regular, regular guy. Bizarre normal really.

Usually.

"Remember; we work in a sequence; you should rely more on computer information. The manual override is just there in case the network experiences any issues."

His companion gave him a smile, "Great!"

Gary shook his head. Turning back to his computer, he realized it was frozen. Letting out a mild cuss, the telemarketer rolled back and headed towards his boss' office. He knocked on the door and waited, knowing his boss was doing nothing but sitting in there experiencing a power trip.

"...enter."

Gary entered, "I need you to unlock my computer."

His boss, James, sighed loudly, "Gary... we need to talk about... efficiency."

The manager gestured to a seat. His employee almost had an aneurysm trying to suppress a sigh. Not this talk again.

"Now, Gary, do you understand why we are so concerned with efficiency?"

"...yes?"

"...really, Gary, really?"

There was just something about his tone that got under Wild's skin. It was like having nails got driven in sideways across his body- slooooowly.

"Because I'm looking at your report, and it's not saying a lot to me, Gary. It's not saying a whole lot."

Even though he'd only worked for the company for a few months, Wild knew this speech by heart. He knew he had to stay silent. The conversation would keep going and going and going... Wild wished his mind would wander, _could_ wander.

But it never did.

He was always tense, hyper-aware. He could smell, taste, **feel** more than he ever wanted to.

"Do you have anything to say about why you aren't making more sales, Gary?"

Gary Wilds glared at the contemptuous man. He felt his blood boiling. Frustration crept in. He hated being controlled. Hated being stuck in an office that kept him from the mission. He needed to be out there- _making a difference!_

Gary shook his head. Inside that head, Grant Ward seethed, "Just that I need to get back."

He made the mistake of rising and going to go out the door. Immediately, James was right behind him, grabbing his shoulder. Grant Ward immediately reacted, filling Gary's head with violence and anger. The millisecond that hand closed on his shoulder, Wild felt his world explode; pain, and anger mixed with fear and excitement. The sound of breaking bones, and the dull roar of blood filled his ears.

...Gary let out a breath, '...yes?"

"I haven't dismissed you yet," Snapped James. Gary waited, "Okay, you're dismissed."

Grant immediately relaxed as the hand disappeared, but the rush of adrenaline stayed. The second he reached his cubicle, Gary Wild held his head in his hands...

_What was that about?!_

Okay... so _some_ things about him were bizarre. He occasionally had these... breakdowns. But it was nothing a little workout and core-breathing couldn't solve.

Gary Wilds had several serious anxieties, most of which he ought to see a doctor for; fear of drowning, small spaces, of being attacked on the street. A fear of losing someone close to him. A fear of people getting to know him. Many, many, many fears. All of them were irrational. Right?

Right?

...right?

...

...

...

"Right," Said Agent Phil Coulson into the phone, "I need him outside- now Jerry."

The man on the other end of the phone complained. Phil sighed, "Yeah, I know. But we need to prompt him into finding the rest of Hydra. And then we make our move, okay?"

"Okay," Agreed Jerry, "But I cannot guarantee you that Grant Ward is still in there."

"He is," Said Coulson worriedly, "Believe me; he is."


	3. Chapter 3

"Gary Wilds" aka Special Agent Grant Ward sat at the bar, alone. He was completely unaware that he was being monitored by a half dozen different cameras and two special agents.

"How's the game going?" Asked one.

Wilds turned to find his co-worker Jerry asking him a question, "...uh, fine, I guess," He laughed uncomfortably.

"Not a sports guy?"

Wilds shrugged, "I just... want to do something more than I want to watch it," He held his hands up in a claw-like motion, "Watching it on tv is just... dull."

Jerry sent him a nervous smile. A loud impact was heard on the screen as two players collided. Ward recognized that his friend was nervous, but had no idea why. Nor did he know how he knew his friend was nervous.

"What are you up to this weekend?"

Wilds shrugged, "Stay home. Work out I guess."

Jerry laughed, "Your life must be deathly boring, Gary!"

Ward's eyes go vacant. Jerry's comm goes active as Director Coulson cuts in, "He's going into a repressed memory! What's prompting it?!"

Looking up at the screen, Jerry finds Senator Christian Ward talking to a group of soldiers about the battle to bring down S.H.E.I.L.D. The senator was kind, endearing, and honest. He spoke about how his heart was to protect children the world over from threats, and how the threat of S.H.I.E.L.D. was soon to be past.

The expression on Ward's face was pure hatred. He threw his beer bottle at the television, smashing it. Several large drunk men rose angrily.

"Hey! We were watching the game!"

Ward turned a look of pure fury on his face, "...Life is **full** of disappointments!"

"Jerry!" Yelled Phil, "Get him out of there!"

The agent shrugged, "Grant can handle himself."

"Not my point. You want to chance that he won't kill them all?"

The first man walked up to Wilds and spit in his face. He found a fist shoved into his mouth immediately.

Within a minute, Jerry was dragging Gary out the back door. The younger man was mid-fight, taking on two men at once. The barkeep was trying to get the rest of the group calmed down.

"Gary! Gary!" He yelled. His friend kept thrashing, throwing one drunk into a wall where he landed with a sickening _crunch_. The other he full-on beat, kicking and punching until the man was huddled against the wall. Ward the flipped the man with a side-walk slam.

"Yah!" Panting, Gary Wilds looked up at his friend, his entire body on fire. Once the danger was passed, that body reverted to its regular self.

"You okay, man?"

Gary shook his head, "I... I have not been sleeping well. I see... _things_. Things I don't want to see. Blood, and death," Drunk and rambling, the ex-agent kept talking, "I can't... I can't live like this. I'm so full of anger and violence, I don't even know where it's coming from."

Jerry uncocked his Icer. Ward was just rambling now, "Maybe you ought to just take a week off. Clear your mind, okay?"

Gary nodded, "...okay," He rose to his feet shakily, "Hey Jerry?"

"Hm?"

"You're a good friend."

"Thanks."

The walk to the van was a hard one. Finally, Jerry climbed into the passenger seat and looked at his boss, "Well?"

"Good job," He answered, ear on a police scanner, "Sounds like there were no serious injuries."

"But?"

Phil put down the equipment, "Is what we're doing right?"

Jerry shrugged, "We're just following an Hydra agent."  
>"Ex-Hydra."<p>

"I don't remember him resigning anything," Answered Jerry. Noticing that Coulson had something more to say, he prodded, "...what is it, Phil?"

The director tapped the screen linked to Ward's apartment, "Imagine being him. Afraid, powerful, and confused. Ward is a killer- has been for a long, long time. But at least he knew why. Now he's a killer trapped in a regular Joe's life. Sounds like a bad combo."

"Nothing to be done about it," Answered his agent.

"Ward is approaching a void of death and destruction without any escape," Sighed Phil.

"Exactly," Said Jerry, "Now let's give him a push."


End file.
